You're irrelevant to someone else's plan. If you can't make yourself useful, consider making yourself scarce. There are other places in the world where you'll be much more welcome. Find one and go there now.
Why not just say "You have no friends. You may as well eat worms." and be done with it?
I thought horoscopes were supposed to say stuff like
"For married people, today may bring you and your partner closer together, strengthing the bonds between you. Singles, be on the look-out! Today might be your day. Someone wearing underpants will bring you good news."
On a happier note - two more sleeps until I'm on holidays! Yay!!