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Don't Call Me Kevie

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Bah Freakin' Humbug
Lancelot3 by acetylin
Well, IG2 can't make it to my drinks and nibbles tonight as his plans have changed and he's going to his family thing a day early.

Now see, I was feeling brave and saucy yesterday full of the bubble-wrap love, so I sent him a text to tell him about it. He replied with I had something I was going to buy you and drop it around today to say merry christmas and sorry but plans have changed again. And I can't come tomorrow night."

And that my friends, is the coal in my stocking. I knew I hadn't been good enough for all that bubblewrap.

But I handled the text like a grownup. Sent one back saying. "Oh. Have a safe trip. You'll be missed." Well, that's grown-up for me at least. Felt a bit low afterwards (cause I'm starting to get a complex here people. Does the boy not want to be alone with me when we're not at work yet sober???!?!?), so I thought to meself, "Stuff this, I'm opening one of my pressies from Mum and Dad." And I opened a small one, which happened to be a picture of my Nan on a fridge magnet. A touching gift, for sure, but not the right gift to open to that time. I spent the next 15 mintues popping some spare bubble-wrap I had laying around to help ease the pain. It did.

Now look, I'm all about the family thing this time of year. Considering the closest relatives I have live a mere 600kM away, and my parents and bro are about 1500kM away I understand the family thing. Bring on the family thing. Should be more of it. But come on! I have been psyching myself up to kiss him after the nibbles and been nibbles and the drinks drunk. I was ready. And now it looks like our first kiss - if we ever bloody have one - will be New Years Eve. And I know some people think that that's romantic, but I'm not a big fan. For starters, there'll be like 3 dozen people hanging around. And then there's the fact it's a complusory kiss. I want some sort of spontenaity to the whole caper even if I have been planning it in my head.

On a better-ish note I actually rang him last night. I dialled his number and spoke to him, instead of just texting. Admittedly, I wasn't expecting him to answer and had a rather witty and clever message to leave so I was a bit flustered when he answered, but I recovered well. Well for me, at least. So we talked for a minute (he was at work), and he said he would see me before the new year (oh yeah, that's comforting. He said he'd come to my party too.).

So we'll see. Either way, this needs to end. We need to know what the frack is going on. So - Erika, the cowardly coward - is going to say to him "I like you more than a friend." And see what happens. Don't worry, I'll say it better than that. I hope.

Oh! I meant to tell you all this eariler. If ever you feel like laughing at me remembering this whole debacle, I've actually got all my IG2 posts in my memories. 'Tis fun to see how far I've gotten with the boy.

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I'm over feeling bad about it now - he's close to his family, and really this is the wrong time of year to be thinking of attempting to start something, I think. And I was eariler this week telling him to go to his family thing instead of coming to my place: I'd rather he had a safe trip to where his family was going than spend a few hours with me, and drive all tired and hungover the next day.

On a plus side, it's all just adding to the anticipation.

Ta. I think if anything I'm more sad about Nan's fridge magnet. I wasn't expecting that.

Grief is sneaky like that.

About a month after Kath died, I was cleaning the office and found an old note from her. She'd left it taped to my front door while I was out running errands one afternoon; I must have carried it inside, tossed it on the desk and then forgotten about it. It was just a couple of lines, asking if she could borrow a book. At the end, she'd written, "Hope you're having fun, dammit."

It was just a few hastily scribbled lines on a piece of yellow note paper. It still knocked me for loop. That's why stealth grief is the hardest. One minute you're okay, then WHAM!

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