"Well, scams then."
So I took a punt. "But what if I rang you one night and said 'IG2! I need you to get 5m of bubblewrap, a goat and 2Kg of bacon and bring it out to Woomera.'"
The look he gave me was a MasterCard commericial in the making. He just stopped and turned completely towards me. "Y'know, for that I'd join in. That's an odd combination of things - what's the glad wrap for?"
"Not glad wrap - bubblewrap. It's small details like that that make all the difference. Bubblewrap rocks."
He nods, as though it being bubblewrap makes the entire plan all the more plausible.
"So," I say in a rather roundabout way. "Can you get your hands on a goat?"
He thinks about it - that needs repeating I feel. He thinks about it, and scratches his head. "Not off-hand. I could probably steal one if I had to."
"You can't steal a goat. I won't be a part of larceny."
"Oh. So your plans are all legal." He nods again. "You're a freak."
"You're a freak too."
"No. Every else is a freak. I'm the only normal person in the world."
"Which would make you a freak." I pause. "You realise the next time I'm out drinking and get tipsy you'll be getting a call from me wanting a goat."
I was going for a my walk tonight and by a freaky-arse coincidence it took my by his place. I turned the corner, and he was playing basket-ball out the front. He was wearing a singlet and shorts. His veins were showing. I crossed the road, listening to one of my favourite songs at the moment, and I catch an "-a!" between the beats of a song. I looked up and he was waving to me. I waved back. I didn't fall over. Progress.