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Don't Call Me Kevie

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Remember how I once had a conversation with IG2 about my elaborate schemes? Today we were talking about how he had thrown a dish cloth onto a rafter in the prep shed because he just wanted to see if he could. I told him I'd pay him $5.00 for every rafter he covered with a cloth. He looked at me and said "I told you I don't want a part of any of your schemes?"


"Well, scams then."

So I took a punt. "But what if I rang you one night and said 'IG2! I need you to get 5m of bubblewrap, a goat and 2Kg of bacon and bring it out to Woomera.'"

The look he gave me was a MasterCard commericial in the making. He just stopped and turned completely towards me. "Y'know, for that I'd join in. That's an odd combination of things - what's the glad wrap for?"

"Not glad wrap - bubblewrap. It's small details like that that make all the difference. Bubblewrap rocks."

He nods, as though it being bubblewrap makes the entire plan all the more plausible.

"So," I say in a rather roundabout way. "Can you get your hands on a goat?"

He thinks about it - that needs repeating I feel. He thinks about it, and scratches his head. "Not off-hand. I could probably steal one if I had to."

"You can't steal a goat. I won't be a part of larceny."

"Oh. So your plans are all legal." He nods again. "You're a freak."

"You're a freak too."

"No. Every else is a freak. I'm the only normal person in the world."

"Which would make you a freak." I pause. "You realise the next time I'm out drinking and get tipsy you'll be getting a call from me wanting a goat."


I was going for a my walk tonight and by a freaky-arse coincidence it took my by his place. I turned the corner, and he was playing basket-ball out the front. He was wearing a singlet and shorts. His veins were showing. I crossed the road, listening to one of my favourite songs at the moment, and I catch an "-a!" between the beats of a song. I looked up and he was waving to me. I waved back. I didn't fall over. Progress.