'Jacka' and 'Josephine' * are complete whack jobs. We're sitting there at crib and Jacka and Josephine decide to do that game where you put your name, "LOVES" and then the person of your choices name, and then you calculate the percentage of love by how many letters correspond with the word LOVE.
Hmm, it's a rather difficult game to describe. If you don't know it, it probably means you're not mentally aged about 13 and three quarters.
So they're working it out for the boyfriends/partners/whatever the describing word of the day is for people in relationships I decide to join in, and so I do my name with my celebrity boyfriend of the week (Everyone should have a celebrity boyfriend. I have four on rotation.)
So I'm getting all giddy like a 12 and three quarters year old 'cause me and Orlando Bloom got a 87% Loves rating. Jacka was shocked at my giddiness, so she did the only thing she thought was right.
She called up Ben Affleck (Celebrity boyfriend number two in the rotation) on the Banana Phone. As you do.
I don't know what's stranger; Jacka talking on a Banana, or a crowded lunch room not batting an eye-lid at Jacka talking on a banana. Actually I know what's stranger - when Jacka starts to act like the Banana 'Phone is breaking up, and D - a boy at work who looks spookily like Horatio Hornblower - got her reconnected to Ben using a salt shaker and an apple like an old fashioned turn of the (last) century phone. This guy is so timid he wouldn't fart in a hurricane lest you heard.
An hour later Jacka and I are inside passing samples onto the next person when Jacka turns to Josephine. "Did Damon get ahold of you?"
"You know - Damon. Ben's friend. He was on the phone for you. Wanted to tell you that Ben was too busy to take calls from us today."
"You mean Matt. Right, I'll sort that bugger out."
And Josephine picks up the telephone - a real honest-to-goodness telephone - and proceeds to give a dail-tone who was doing a piss-poor impersonation of Matt Damon what-for.
Half-an-hour later Jacka goes to a real live telephone, and calls Josephine on the Shift Chemist's cell phone. When Josephine answers, Jacka has become Kiki Mandretti - publicist to the stars, with this really strange Kiwi/Guido-esque accent. They have this argument on why Josephine, Jacka and myself are not authorised to call Ben and Matt on fruit phones. (I'm guessing vegie phones are acceptable)
These girls I work with may need medicating. I abosultely adore the people I work with. They make going to work worthwhile.
*names changed to protect the guilty