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Don't Call Me Kevie

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Death and the Maiden
Life. Love. Arithmatic
Now before I ask this, I feel I must point out that there is nothing wrong with me. I am in perfect health, and I intend to remain that way for quite some time. Do not panic.

Ever since the Bali bombings I have been thinking about funerals. I went to school with some of the unfortunate souls who never made it home - 1 still has not been properly identified - and it really bought home the fact that we are not immortal.

Now my question is this - how do I tell my family what I would like for my funeral if, heaven forbid, I should die young? My father is a worrier and I know even mentioning such things will put his mind in a dark sad place, wondering what I'm not telling them.

There's nothing huge in what I want; just songs I want played, which Church I want the service in, where I'd like to be buried, that sort of thing. The biggest one for me is that I do not want flowers. I want helium balloons. Round balloons in bright solid colours. Where the grown-ups can release them when they lower my coffin (sort of symbolically releasing my spirit), and the younger ones can play with them at the wake (which would just tickle me no end). Yes, I know it's an odd thing to want, but I'm not a big flower person. Especially at funerals and such. For me it's a waste of money, and it's just one more thing that dies.

I have thought about telling my brother what I'd like, but I can never work out how to bring it up in polite conversation. And it is admittedly a strange thing to want to discuss when you're under the age of 30. It's not that I have a death-wish or anything, but if something were to happen to me I would like to leave this mortal coil knowing that it was all sorted and there was no less thing to burden my loved ones with.

Would it be incredibly morbid of me to tell them this stuff? Or should I perhaps write it all down, and put it somewhere that I know someone would find it if something happened to me? Or am I just worrying about something I shouldn't worry about?

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Not an odd or silly idea at all. About this time last year I lost a very dear friend to suicide and felt his funeral had no reflection on him what so ever. I called it the CV funeral the Vicar just seemed to have been given a list of things about his life and put them into a speech. I hate it with a passion and made a point of planning my own funeral a couple of weeks later, making it very clear to all around me I wasn't thinking of dying any time soon but really didn't want them left to having to do that sort of thing.

One way you could do it if you can't talk about it with other people is include it in your will.

I think having a clear idea about how you want to be remember is a good thing and should be shared as I'm sure your friends and family would like to celebrate you as you wished.

That's what worries me - having a CV funeral. I thought about putting it in my will, but I thought that might do the will stuff after I'm buried.

I think I'll write it all down, and then decide what to do with it afterwards.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Hmm, not having dealt with this myself... Which I probably should, 'cause you never know. This, and a Living Will.

Anyway, here in the US, some funeral homes offer deals whereby a person can go ahead and make all their funeral arrangements for themselves ahead of time. Any chance of that in your area? Of course, that's probably not a viable option if there's a chance of moving and such-like down the road, or anything that might change where you want to be buried.

Barring that, perhaps writing it down and entrusting it to someone who can either deal with it or hand it over to the right people at the right time might be the way to go. Your wishes will have been expressed, and you avoid the fuss and muss of what could be an upleasant discussion or worries for others.

Personally, I don't think you're worrying about something you shouldn't be worrying about, not if you have specific wishes regarding the matter that are important to you.

The will situation is all sorted out, though I should most likely up-date it.

Doing all the arrangements did cross my mind (since there's really only two places I've thought about being buried, and they're only about 60kms away from each other), but I wondered what would happen if I didn't die until I was about 80. Would what I paid for still be covered? So many grown-up things to think about!

There really are. Hmm, I don't know how those pre-bought deals work with funeral homes, but ya never know. It might be worth a looksee.

Funnily enough, I do have a burial plot. But nothin' else done. But, as my dad says, if you have assets to distribute or specific things you want done, you're never too young... Still, I'm not really sure what I want. Can think on it, though.

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