Favourite swears: My time most used and all time favourite swear words aren’t even real swear words.
I’m quite partial to using “son of a goat!” if the need arises. I, of course, use that instead of the traditional “Son of a bitch.” (also known by the quaint spelling sonovabitch) because by replacing the b-word with ‘goat’ you can use it often in front of children, and really, that’s one of the most important things an aunt can do. Because sometimes you really need to swear, but the small people make it difficult for you to do so without their parents having stern words with you.
My other all-time that isn’t really swearing is “Holy Mary Mother of Pear!!” or just “Mother of Pearl!”. (And if I’m only saying “Mother Of Pearl!” It was be said in a gasp almost whispered. I don’t know why I must say it like that, I just must. I do like how it makes me sound as though I’m from a different era. I don’t often bring it out, so when I do, you know I”m serious.
When it comes to swear words that actual involves, y’know, swearing, I can’t go past saying “Fuck me Jesus!!” Word to the wise - don’t yell it out in your packed work office.
Oh yeah. I did that.
In my defence though, it was during the mice plague, and when I went to grab a folder off my desk, a mouse poked it’s head through the folder opening. I was not at all prepared, and it startled me. And luckily it was during the plague, as when everyone turned to look at me, I shakily pointed to the folder and said - “There was a live mouse!! There was a mouse!! (You know it’s gotten to a state during the plague when you have to differentiate between finding a live mouse or the corpse of one.