April 21st, 2004

My Tree thanks to slodwick

The Truth About Cats & Dogs

After surviving living with Amos, the one year old deaf Blue Heeler and the two eldery Blue Russian cats, I have worked out why I am a cat person. Don't get me wrong, I do like dogs, but it's more the concept of owning a dog than actually having one.

No matter what time of day, no matter the weather, Amos was HAPPY to see me. You know the kind of happy we're talking about here - the kind of happy that involves you becoming covered in dog saliva. Normally after they've eaten something that's so awful it doesn't even deserve a name. Icky - dog salvia is only beaten by one thing: dog breath. But yes, it's the uncoditional love thing that dogs have going on that I just don't enjoy.

I'm a moody thang. I like to grizzle, I like to tell myself fart jokes, I like to sulk, and I like to sometimes giddily sing along to television commericals, and I usually like to do these things within 5 minutes of each other. Or just sulk for days on end. This is me. I

But a dog... they're way into the love. They love to shower you with love, they love to be showered with love, they love to express their love in messy messy ways. Sometimes they want to love you and be loved by you when you're just not in the best of moods. It's not that you dislike them, but you just wish they'd turn it down. Just a notch. But no - there's no notches on their buttons. It's either they love you or the LOVE you.And if you don't show the same amount of affection, they kick it up even more: "Don'tyouloveme?'CauseIloveyouandyour'esogreatthatifyoudon'tlovemeitmustbeme!IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou!Ohlook!Dogpoo!"
Dogs don't seem to understand the concept of "me time".

Now cats - they appreciate condtional love. You can come home from work really irritated, and when they come up for a cuddle you can push them away and say "Not tonight dear - I'm pissed with the world and I don't want to see anyone. Even you." Cats just look at you as if to say "Well, it's quite funny you should say that, as I have been sicked by the sight of you for the last month. As a matter of fact, the goldfish and myself have been plotting your demise and we may have devised a way that your suffocation one night in your bed may be mistaken by a jury as 'an industrial accident'. The only reason you haven't been done away with is two-fold. Firstly, you have opposible thumbs. And secondly, while you're at work we peruse your pornographic collection. Now, be gone and make money so you may feed me with sweet delicacies from India."

Sometimes its nice to be not loved by your pets. Sometimes its nice to be loved by your pets. Cats know this. Dogs do not.

On the otherhand, having a dog around always makes me feel safe. Even when I know that the dog is most likely to kill an intruder by drowning him in drool. Cats don't give you the same sense of security. Actually, more than once I have woken in the dead of night to find a cat draped over my neck, pretending to sleep when they were most likely trying to create 'an industrial accident'.

Maybe I should be a dog person....
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