April 18th, 2004

My Tree thanks to slodwick

Seeing yourself the way others do

It is so strange when you're talking to someone, and they disagree with about you yourself. It's happened a few times lately - these friends of mine seeing me differently to the way I see myself, and I wonder who is right.

To my friends:
I am a Ring-Leader
I am Confident
I am Funny
I am Care-free, Easy-going and The Most Unstressed Out Person They Know
I am the person you invite if you want your party to be a Party! that is talked about and fondly remembered for years.
I am the Coolest Person They Know.

To me:
I am a Follower
I am Awkward
I am Odd
I am the Most Stessed Out Person I Know
I am only invited to parties because people feel sorry for me
I am a 15 year old Nerd stuck in a 27 year old's Body.

They're such two different views. I can't see how we people (my friends and I) have came to such different conclusions. I doubt I hide my insecurities well, but they are insistent about how they see me. I have been told by so many people that my easy-goingness has helped to keep them calm in stressful times. And the coolness thing has got me as well. Since when have I ever been cool? Have they not seen the Barry Manilow CD in my collection??? Or the Spice Girls CD for that matter?

If you were to ask me what kind of person I wanted to be, I would have listed all the things everyone thinks I already am. But to me, I'm so far from there I can't even see the map.

Life is interesting.

Oh - and though he shall never read this, a big big big thankyou to my boss. Last night I slept 13 hours straight knowing I didn't need to go to work. Thank you - I feel human again