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Don't Call Me Kevie

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Crack for young and ... young
Guh - lamardeuse
erika_sanely
Jacka and I 'fake smoke'. We have smoke breaks, which for us just means we go outside and sit in the sun for seven - ten minutes. People laugh and shake their heads at us while we sit there, but we figure just because we're not actual smokers we shouldn't be discriminated against by not being allowed to have smoke break. Hey, it works for us.

So anyway, when I was browsing in the local supermarket I found FADS. Back in the day when I was about 7, these delightful lollies were called FAGS They were long, thin, white and one end was tinged with red, so it looked like you were smoking just like the cool grown-ups. And on the cover of the packaging there was a little boy and girl who were walking up a hill smoking (and their ciggies had smoke and everything!) I always wondered where they were going - what was on the other side of the hill, but I figure that's something that is most likely rated X. At least two XX's.

These days, thanks to wowsers who don't want us to have fun they're called FADS, and are just long, thin and white. No red 'flame' or anything. There's no kids on the packaging going up a hill smoking - there is a kid with the FADS up their nose (and I hope they chose not to eat them afterwards.)

They still taste the same, and it makes Jacka and I look just that little bit less dorky sitting outside doing nothing. Well, it mkaes up look more dorky, but who really notices. They expect this childish behaviour from the both of us.

What kills me is the ingredients these are made of.

Sugar, Glucose, Gelatine, Vegetable Fat, Cornstarch, Flavour

Or in layman's terms - Sugar, Sugar, Fat, Fat, who knows, you don't want to know.

And our parents let us eat these? Had our parents not heard of the effects of sugar on children? They were mainlining us sugar! Why not just hand us a spoonful of sugar, heat it up and inject it between our toes!

Sugar, sugar, fat, fat - throw in some cocktails and Jackson 5 kareoke and that sounds like my idea of a great night out.

Now if I could just track down some Big Boss Cigar confectionary I'd be in seventh heaven! I'd have so much sugar in my system I won't sleep for a week, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.

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We had them too! I remember they used to be red on the end and were called candy cigarettes or some such. You can still get them now but they are called candy sticks and there's no red bit. I remember you could buy the chocolate (cigar;) ones too. Haven't seen those for about 20 years though, sadly.

The red bit was what made it incredibly yummy!!! Just the plain white sticks is ... plain. Bring back the subliminal messages fags!

We still have the cuban-like cigar ones (now that is a heavy sugar hit if ever there was one) but they are hard to track down. The chocolate cigars I vaguely remember.


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